I recall several instances in my professional career where my frustration with individuals lit me up. Sometimes, it was my boss, sometimes it was people that reported directly to me, sometimes it was peers. It’s not their fault – it’s not my fault, it’s the nature of human relationships. Sometimes the person you get along with today is the person you’re battling tomorrow. It’s taken me a while to figure out that I need to check my emotions at the door (and, yes, I’m human and still battle the tendency to react first).
Several years back, I was working in a large organization. We had offices across the United States and were having problems with the company that provided the networking backbone for the organization. This was becoming critical as they had missed several deadlines to increase the capacity of the network and upgrade key infrastructure at the main hub points of our network. This was having a direct impact on our ability to transfer key data between the various locations and was beginning to have a direct impact on our sales and marketing organization due to the fact that they could not rely on the data and software packages used to manage pieces of their business.
At one point in the process, we were having a meeting between the key individuals responsible for moving various phases of the project – both internal resources and external resources. I knew all of these people quite well. We had all worked together across a period of several years. I knew that nobody was intentionally holding things back and that for the most part we were all trying to move the ball forward. However, I let my emotions get the best of me that day and let my frustrations show in the meeting. As I ran the meeting, I ended up accusing several people of intentionally missing key milestones.
After the meeting – a person that I considered one of my mentors pulled me aside and sat me down for a conversation. One of the first statements she made was, “You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.” She patiently let me go off on a tangent about my frustrations and then reeled me back in to reality. She began asking me questions about the project – who was doing what, what might be causing the delays, and if I really believed these individuals were intentionally causing the delays. It was easy for me to see that I had crossed a few boundaries and, in the heat of the moment, had damaged relationships that I had spent years building. She also made me realize that it was my job to help these individuals remove the roadblocks that lay in front of them. I wasn’t there just to listen on what was happening and to report it up the chain, it was my job to add value to the process.
Mea culpa! Mea culpa!
I then spent the rest of that day and the next going around to each of the individuals in the meeting and apologizing for the behavior that I had shown in the meeting. If I was going to make things right with the folks that had sat around that table, they had to know that I was sincere in apologizing for the behavior that I had shown.
Ultimately, we got the project completed and all was right in the world … I also learned a few lessons along the way on why I needed to keep my emotions in check. It was my responsibility as the person leading the project to actually listen to what each of these individuals was saying and then use my skills to remove the roadblocks that they were experiencing in attempting to manage their tasks. As the person leading this project, these people had the expectation that I was there to help. I was not there to throw additional impediments in their way or to increase their workload.
Sometimes, it is easy to let the pace of activity overtake us and allow ourselves to forget why we hold the positions we hold – to add value to the process, the team and the organization by removing obstacles and creating the momentum to carry people forward.
If you'd like more information on my background: LinkedIn Profile
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